Hail Thy Heroes..!!

“Dhoom-3 scales a new peak by hitting the 200crore jackpot in less than 5 days”. “Aamir khan mesmerizes his fans yet again”. This news was so important that it shared the headlines along with the news of a historic political turnaround in the national capital. Speaking of that “100crore” figure, our wallets should not be forgotten. We don’t really mind to spend some extra bucks and 3 hours just to watch our favorite hero beat those goons black and blue. What is so special in our b’wood movies or rather b’wood heroes that we don’t care spending some extra bucks? And, we wouldn’t want to miss that fun of watching a movie on a weekend at some swanky multiplex, do we?

After spending my time watching considerably umpteen b’wood movies, I am contemplating on distancing myself from them. Barring a few exceptions, every single movie I have seen till date portrays a hero as personality of stature infinitely greater than Superman. A hero is the best bro, a respectable father, an obedient son, an ideal boyfriend and a caring husband. He is the complete- man, ideal in all respects. Every girl would dream of such a man. Heck Yeah!, I myself would dream to be such a man.!

A hero is a singular personality who has mastered the art of everything, from cooking to martial arts. Without any training, he can compose a beautiful poem and sing instantaneously in a tone so mellifluous that it hypnotizes the audience and yeah, I forgot to mention about his dance moves- even Michael Jackson would say “I’m proud of ya!!”.

 A hero plays piano like Mozart and guitar like David Gilmour and mind you- he just places his fingers on the strings and the guitar plays by itself! OMG! He is the asli the baap of the Rajini anna!!

He can even don a chef’s hat and cook amazingly delicious items. I am quite sure that if our hero were to pick up a street fight with Bruce Lee or Mike Tyson or The Undertaker, they would have to run for his mercy! Seriously, how many skills is our hero well versed in?! We can use every adjective out there to describe him and we lavishly spend some extra bucks to watch such flicks?

You’ve gotta be f***** kidding me.!!

I don’t get this nexus between heroes and superbikes. Ever since John Abraham flaunted his physique on a super-cool superbike, every hero has resorted to a superbike to impress our heroine. Perhaps they have taken the phrase “Express to impress” way too seriously. I don’t know why, in spite of having a repertoire of skills, they resort to some lame-a** ways to get laid. Does riding superbikes make them super-cool? Hell No!

Many people idolize the heroes because of reasons which are still elusive to me. I don’t know why our heroes receive so much attention when they make a public appearance? Should Salman khan make a mistake of talking a walk in a park; people surround him and crave for a mere glimpse as if a Halley’s Comet has been spotted. A philosraptor would ask this question “Will Uday Chopra experience the same?”

Apart from the movies, we see our heroes everywhere- Advertisements, cricket etc etc. The reason behind them sharing a huge chunk of television space is the same- WE CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM. We want every product which is being endorsed by them- from toothpaste to T-shirt.

I am sure many of us would have thought of sporting our favorite hero’s hairdo or a six-pack. If people are still musing, Tere naam style might ring some bells. But talk about Abdul Kalam style, B***h Please!!

Jokes apart, why do we try to be like these heroes? Everyone might be interested to know if Sallu Bhai (It’s what we affectionately call him) bought a new flat at Juhu or a 20lac bike. We know that King Khan is now aiming at a 12 or a 16 pack but odds are, we might be unaware of some “did you know” facts about them! We follow only what we want to follow. According to my opinion (No offence to my friends who follow our heroes very seriously), we should call quits to the practice of epitomizing our ‘HEROES’. Move on people, don’t we have anything better to do?